It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Irritated by Internet Lingo?

According to a poll conducted on behalf of the Lulu Booker Prize by YouGov, some people are very irritated by certain terms in common parlance on the Internet. Some of the most irritating words identified are as follows:

  • Folksonomy
  • Blogosphere
  • Blog
  • Netiquette
  • Blook
  • Cookie
  • Wiki

I can surely agree with "Folksonomy," mainly because I have no flipping idea what it means, if it means anything. It sounds like a sleep disorder suffered by hill people. I can also sympathize with "Blook" because it's one of those words that just feels made up, and not very well done at that. Even Lewis Carroll, who had a mania for ridiculous verbal contraptions second only to his number one hobby (inappropriate attention to juveniles) would have turned his frogilulous nose up at that one.

Nonetheless, I think some very interesting and annoying terms have been left off of this list, due to their relative obscurity. So, for the sake of making the this blog the most complete and inaccurate source of information on the planet after Wikipedia, here are a few of these incredibly irritating terms.

  • Blogazine - Either a magazine that takes the form of a blog, or some sort of eye medicine. Possibly a very potent cocktail. We're not sure which.
  • Spamalicious - The catch phrase for people so depressedly desperate for attention that they actually enjoy getting spammed. These are people who long to holiday in Nigeria and make millions of dollars transferring funds they earned from that massive stock that no one knew about, whilst having their personal bits enhanced with a kaledoscopic variety of mail-order drugs. The only other people who enjoy spam are humourists looking for a cheap topic for a book.
  • Anything with the capital letter E attached to it to signify "electronic." Yes, we know this isn't obscure and that e-mail fits this description too, but we really mean things like "E-postcard," "E-dating," "E-sex," "E-smoking," and "E-He/She never rings me anymore."

  • Wookie - A cookie from a wiki OR A wiki regarding Star Wars.

  • Oogle - The act of using Google to search the web for pictures of naked people.
  • Plantagenent-Repto-Supercillius-Excreoflatulence - Any online news about Paris Hilton.
  • Facebooked the Music - The act of tracking down a criminal via their FaceBook listing.
  • Yahoogle - The act of using Yahoo!'s search engine to locate a page on Google.
  • LOLSHIPMP - Laughing Out Loud So Hard I Peed My Pants. Quite frankly, this is Too Much Information. Also, at first glance, it looks as though the user is laughing at shrimp, which is simply cruel.
  • Cryptosplongular - This term is so obscure we have no idea what the hell it means. That is extremely irritating.
  • Oooey GUI - A Java-based, graphical user interface that uses pink hearts and kittens for all the controls. Has been known to cause projectile vomiting and diabetic comas.
  • Psychoticons - Emoticons used by mentally-distrubed people to unsettle the rest of you... I mean us. Examples: "X>(" = "corpse," "%>P" = "I'm watching you through binoculars," "(:0#" = "I plan to kidnap you and put duct tape over your mouth," and "$>)" = "Mr. Trump is hear to see you."
  • Coup Tube - Daily video postings about my authoritarian rule over this blog. The videos are wonderful, but I had insisted that the site be called "Earl Fando's Online Video Paradise."

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