It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Codeine!

Earl is still on medical hiatus. Stew and Nuffy are still AWOL and I'm beginning to wonder if they weren't just figments of my imagination.

Actually this is Earl, but it's very uncomfortable to be typing this. Apparently, the codeine I'm taking is great for knocking out all the pain nerves in my system except for the ones activated by my sitting here typing this. I reckon it must be Windows-brand codeine.

Anyway, to keep you occupied until the grueling physical therapy starts on Tuesday, here are my favourite things about codeine.

  • The tingling sensation in my toes when it starts to kick in. It's like wet feathers, not that I've had the expereience, mind you.
  • Much, much less pain. I know...too practical for this list...but all too true.
  • Sleepytime
  • Great excuse to cover for whatever silly nonsense I write on the blog, as in, "Earl didn't know what he was typing when he suggested that Paula Abdul has a thing for centaurs. He was out of his mind on the codeine."
  • Great excuse to cover for jokes that bomb, such as "...Paula Abdul has a thing for centaurs."
  • Much easier to forget about disappointing Harry Potter finale. ("Jo Rowling didn't know what she was doing. She was out of her mind on the codeine." We all wish...)
  • Excuse to monopolise the telly. "Daddy feels bad and needs to watch the Fox Soccer Channel!" Actually that has nothing to do with the codeine.
  • Fox Soccer Channel even more interesting, since the codeine makes me think that Max Bretos has turned into a giant orange bat.
  • HBO original programming starting to make sense. Just, mind you. I'd need to be a heroin addict to get the full gist.
  • Regis Philbin's voice now accompanied by dramatic echo.

Of course there are the downsides as well

  • My skull feels like a wet noodle.
  • Regis Philbin's voice now accompanied by dramatic echo
  • Tendency to sway about whilst navigating the sitting room
  • Fever dreams about Thierry Henry transferring to Barcelona (as if that could happen).
  • Short term memory loss
  • Short term memory loss
  • Sudden cravings for pickled herring
  • Impossible to play guitar with all the neon butterflies in the room

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