Potter Partying

Across the supposedly civilised world tonight, millions of people will be dressing ghoulishly and heading out in the dark of night to party like maniacs. No, The Rocky Horror Picture Show hasn't been rereleased, it's simply the gatherings of insanely hyper fans awaiting the release of Harry Potter and the Contrived Conclusion...No, I jest. The real title is of course Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which of course refers to Bloomsbury and Scholastic security personnel after Ms. Rowling gets through with them. I've not seen the book myself, because unlike the New York Times, I actually believe in honoring the publishers' and authors wishes about not revealing key information or distributing books or being a weasel in general. Without giving away anything about plot details though, I can say that judging from some of the fan responses to the book, it sounds like it was ghostwritten by Chris Kreski, who normally works for Bill Shatner.

Nonetheless, millions of fans will dutifully troop out to their local booksellers to plonk down a wad of cash just to see how it all turns out and to party til midnight to trivia games, best costume contests, and magicians riding the Rowling gravy train. Here are a few suggestions for those who would like to add a little merriment to their local party:

• Respond to all trivia questions with the answer "Chicken necks!"
• After every trick by the local magician, loudly exclaim, "That is so fake! Hermione would do much better!"
• Ask everyone in costume when the next showing of "Rocky Horror" is.
• Burn your copy of the book at the front of the store, whilst loudly screaming, "Witches! Heretics!"
• Pretend to have come in for a copy of "Hamlet" and express satisfaction that your local readers are so interested in classical literature. Then, when they tell you they are there for the Potter release, shout "Witches! Heretics!"
• Fall asleep in front of the checkout line.
• Throw ice cold drinks at gits trying to spoil the ending in the car park.
• Impromptu Quidditch match in the audio section of the store.
• Shout, "Look, it's JK Rowling!" and then dash to the front of the line whilst heads are craned about.
• After getting your copy of the book, quickly skim the pages and then announce that it is, "Utter crap!"

Update: I read the last book. It was OK in a few bits, I suppose, but a big disappointment overall. It just goes to show that it's not all that easy to resolve 17,000 plot threads, even in a 700+ page book. I have a feeling that more than a few people though are going to think, "People waited ten years for this?" The epilogue is the single most unconvincing piece of writing Rowling has yet published, if you want my opinion.