It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The How You Going to Say Movie What is Bad

Sometimes when you go to see the Motion Picture film from the Hollywood, it is good to first read the title of the movie, for as to see what kind of movie are about to be paying the ten dollars for ticket and twenty dollars for popcorn grease paper for to see. I, Jorge Carlito Viejo, have learned that the filmmakers of the Hollywood spectacle type movie are kind enough to drops the hint about what sort of crummy film they made by placing hints in the title. You have to be the, how you going to say, smart guy, though, because sometimes the hint is ironic.

I learned this many years ago, when I see this movie what is called "Pretty Woman," and I realize this movie not about the Pretty or the Woman but about the prostitution and the Richard Gere and how these two things go hand in hand. I learn this the hard way, after ninety minute of munch on the twenty green Skittles that was include in my tiny plastic bag inside my huge cardboard box of Skittles what I paid three bucks for. Better for me if I had read the title carefully and saw first the irony. I could have said, "Pretty Woman! No, Jorge Carlito, it is the trick! This movie about the Ugly and the Man! The Ugly what is Prostitution and the Man what is Dick Gere! Don't see this movie! Save the money for to buy leg warmers instead!"

Recently, I go to see the movie again what has the title which is not the irony but is the honest assessment of the movie I was paying for to see. "Superbad" is was called, and it was. Some persons are telling me, "This movie funny, Jorge! It have the humor what is called American style humor," but Jorge did not see the funny. He saw only this certain big hair plump girl and her friend what are trying to go to parties but is having ugly faces all the time and is having the nerd friend what is got the glasses on head like the thick, thick pipes of the steel sewer under my home city of Guapita!

That is not humor, my friends, that is the bad movie. Funny is not when the chubby big hair girl goes to the party and has the diarrhea. No! Funny is when the moustache turns out to be a worm! Yes, funny is when the tall man sits on the melon what turns out to be a dwarf wrapped in Ziploc bags! That is the funny. Funny is not when the pipe glasses boy with name called McLovin go into the store to buy some certain items and he do not buy them. What kind of person laughs at a person what is simply in the store to buy certain items? Funny, my friends, is when a man start to sweat because a lady so beautiful that his shirt and pants dissolve and all the peoples on the street throw eggs at his underwear self. Funny is when the dog eat the old man's empanada and leave a stone in its place but old man cannot see good and he eat the stone and poop out later a bunch of tiny little opals. That is the funny!

But I cannot say I was not warned. A movie called "Superbad" turns out to be, how you can say, super bad. Title give the hint of the secret, my friend. Read carefully or you throw the moneys into toilet of wasted experience along with the dignity. And Jorge Carlito do not want that for you, good childs of the earth.

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