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Sunday, February 03, 2008

Super Duper Bowl

Well, the most massive sporting event in the entire civilised world rapidly approaches. However, the FIFA World Cup isn't for another 2 years and 5 months. Instead, that worthy runner-up*, the Super Bowl, is tomorrow. This year, they're playing the be-all, end-all of gridiron events at the University of Phoenix Stadium in sunny Glendale, Arizona, of all places.

Of course, when you think of the Super Bowl you think of adverts. There will be the usual collection of fantastically expensive advertisements tomorrow, during the big game. Here's just a taste of what to expect:

  • Coca-Cola plans a spectacular recreation of the car chase from Bullitt, ending with a digitally-recreated Steve McQueen driving through the stadium and running over Eli Manning outright. Those Manning brothers have quite the sense of humour.

  • McDonald's plans a special live commerical, during which they intend to deep-fry Super-Size Me auteur Morgan Spurlock. Let's see how Morgan's liver deals with that.

  • The World Wrestling Entertaintment plans on stepping up a notch from their controversial commercial of a few years ago by featuring Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake in this year's version. Rumour has it that they're keeping Brittney Spears in reserve, just in case Justin can't get a grip on Ms. Jackson's outfit this year.

  • Yahoo! is presenting a commercial that consists of sixty seconds of pleading with Microsoft to offer $5 more per share for the company. At the end, Bill Gates laughs and stands on Jerry Yang and David Filo's heads whilst playing Guitar Hero.

So, as you can see, it promises to be a spectacular evening.

However, we know that commercials are not all that the Super Bowl is about. What about the halftime show?

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will be the featured artists this year. After the notorious 2004 MTV produced show, featuring Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" and Justin Timberlake's Super Bowl sized ego, the Super Bowl organizers turned to Don Mischer Productions. Mischer started off with two years of geezer rock, as the respectable Paul McCartney and the always disrespectable Rolling Stones played the first two years. This went well despite Paul McCartney changing the lyrics of his his song Jet to include the line "Heather, you're driving me %$#&^%! crazy!!!" a full year before the announcement of his impending divorce. The Rolling Stones show also went quite smoothly, depsite Keith Richards smoking his father's ashes in a bong during "Paint It Black."

However, the NFL was restless for something a bit hipper to attract the all-important 18-30 demographic that had purchased so many Michael Vick jersey, before it became apparently that he was totally mental. Mischer Productions responded by booking 48-year old Prince, AKA The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, AKA The Guy Who Chose a WingDing for His Name. Prince's appearance at last year's Super Bowl was relatively tame, as his female rhythm guitarist only simulated sex with him a half-dozen times during the performance. Plus, she was fully-dressed at all times on the field. It might have been worse had not NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell been standing at the edge of the stage with a loaded .45 revolver during the show.

The NFL feels a bit more comfortable with Petty. He's older than Prince, but has never simulated sex with any of the Heartbreakers on or off stage.

So, outrageous adverts and familiar trustworthy music from one of the legends of rock and roll. What more could a sporting fan desire?

Oh yes, there is the matter of the game itself ...the undefeated Patriots versus the Giants.

Patriots 75, Giants 3. As if anyone cared.

*Just behind the Summer Olympics and The International Bocce Ball Festival in Turin.


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