April Fools

I'd like to begin this article, but a wild ferret just ran up my trouser leg.

That's just one example of the many ways in which people play jokes on April 1st of each year, widely known as April Fool's Day. "Fool" being a very loaded term, one must be quite careful with the jokes one plays on other people. As a site dedicated to humour in all but its most prurient forms (no jokes, please), we felt it would be helpful to offer some brief advice to those of you planning on "Fooling" anyone this year.

Who to Fool?

People You Should Not Play April Fool's Jokes on:
Policemen
Firemen
Doctors (especially the kind who use the rubber gloves quite frequently)
Military personnel, especially Marines
Heavily-armed civilians (Western gunslingers come to mind, especially the card-playing variety)
Butchers
Taser salesmen
Professional wrestlers
Authoritarian dictators
Mafia dons
Undead persons (They have no sense of humour anyway, so what's the point?)
Nuns of the more disciplinarian variety
Knife jugglers
Bomb squad personnel
Heart patients
Schizophrenics

People You Can Safely Play April Fool's Jokes on:
Network newscasters
Anglican priests
Actors in a Broadway Musical
MAD Magazine employees
Lingerie models
Practical jokers
The Joker
Paris Hilton
Game show contestants (Jeopardy excluded)
The Dalai Lama