Dangerous Turkey Day Recipes

A day late but in case you're celebrating Thanksgiving late, here are a few recipes you might want to avoid:

• Flamethrower Turkey - Take one large thawed turkey and a large flamethrower. Fire up the bird for about 2-3 hours. Great crispy skin on this one, and all dark meat.
• Acid Turkey - Take one large thawed turkey and dip into a large vat of hydrochloric acid. Then, go out to eat at whatever fast food joint is open on the holiday, and be glad you're not the turkey.
• Turkey Acidophilus - Bake one large turkey normally. Slice 1 lb. turkey meat. Blend with yogurt into a smooth puree. Serve in soda glass with straw and cranberry garnish.
• Turkey Knievel - Deep fry a large turkey. Strap it to the back of a motorcycle. Jump 12 buses. Pick turkey bits off the ground and clean. Mind the broken bones, including the turkey's. Enjoy with a nice IV.
• Turkey Sushi - Let loose turkey in house with crazed sushi chef. Keep first aid kit handy.
• Turkey Detroit - Roast one turkey normally. Serve with bitter dregs of another football season gone wrong. Then, run over turkey remains with a Ford. Have Ford repaired for damage done to it by turkey.
• Turkey Surprise - Serve steak instead.