The Tweatise of a Tweeting Twit

I'm enjoying Twitter, despite my inability to stay above the 120 mark on followers. However, I hate for all that writing to be wasted, given that tweets have the life expectancy of a cigarette in a 10-pin bowling alley. Also, it's been tough getting posts done here. So, for your entertainment, consideration, or opprobrium, here is a sample of the kind of crap you'd find following @earlfando:

• #rockfacts Bob Dylan's real name? Platypus Oxnard.
  
• #musicfacts Earth, Wind & Fire got their name from members of the band lighting farts at a gardening party.
  
• #musicfacts Paul Simon is 6'4" He only looks tiny because Art Garfunkel is over 9 feet tall.
  
• Humorists of all ages, take heart. "Wind" has just trended on Twitter. To be followed by beans. Usually, wind follows beans, but...
  
• #youfromSC if the highest you've ever flown was crossing the Charleston bridge on North 17.
  
• The Longest Solar Eclipse of the Century! (little voice from Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "It's only a shadow.")
  
• #whatsmattdamondoing Building a box girder bridge out of frankfurters.
  
• #whatsmattdamondoing Dancing with kangaroos and getting the crap kicked out of him.
  
• #whatsmattdamondoing Building the biggest damn sandwich you've ever seen.
  
• #whatsmattdamondoing Approving titles for the next Bourne film. Leading candidate: The Bourne Hip Replacement.
  
• Men walked on the moon forty years ago today. And some women say we couldn't find our ass with both hands AND a map. That'll show 'em.
  
• Tom Watson isn't simply turning back the clock at this year's Open. He's pulled it off the wall and is stomping on it in soft spikes.
  
• Watched a TV Guide preview of the new Harry Potter film last night. Conclusion: TV Guide presenters are huge suck ups.
  
• I just took the What Kind of Music Are You quiz and got Avant-Garde Elevator music. It's like the programmer was in my head.
  
• If the Earth started to plunge into the Sun, Michael Jackson would still be trending, just ahead of "doomed," "fire," and "unbearable heat."
  
• Happy Bastille Day! Eat a pound of brie and surrender to someone you love!
  
• #HarryPottersequels Harry Potter and the Enormous Bowl of Curry
  
• Memo to OJ: Chuck Norris can actually find the real killers.
  
• It's only a matter of time before the Michael Jackson sightings start... in a convertable with Elvis and Andy Kaufman, drinking New Coke.