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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Just don't cut my MTV!!

As our vast readership is aware we try to avoid political comment in order to keep you two happy. We don’t want any spats to occur due to one of you liking Lyndon LaRouche and the other being a disciple of Roger Calero. However, with the budget battle looming and cuts being made, we want to bring you the top 10 items that are being cut from the budget.

10. Federal subsidies for research into the use of Mentos as an aphrodisiac.

9. Closing down of the federal program “Meals for the Deceased” due to widespread non-participation.

8.Cutting research and development of the military’s “Sex Bomb” and change of focus onto developing a bomb which gives the enemy Trump Hair making them easily identifiable from a distance.

7.Ending federal subsidies for “Richard Simmon’s School of Masculinity”.

6.Stop development of Spamtrak, the new rail system entirely composed of organ meat.

5.Closure of any program dedicated to ceasing our ability to produce “Kick-Ass Rock”.

4.Cuts for research and development into a method of locating and matching socks which become lost in the dryer.

3.Closing federal program which airs Scott Baio’s oeuvre, especially “Joanie Loves Chachi” and “Charles in Charge” to third world countries, entitled Air Mediocrity.

2.Ending federal subsidies for Clinton-era plan “Queer Eye for the Military Guy” run by Carson Kressley. Aquamarine camouflage found to be useless in field studies.

1.End funding for nuclear research and divert money to the promising field of nucular technology.

It is our considered opinion here at DOUI that funding of comedy blogs be considered by the President and Congress in the future. We don’t mind being on the dole.


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