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Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The Philosophy of a Seafood Wholesaler

Although his business is to sell seafood, Wholey says Bubba was never bound to be boiled and buttered. And he's become a little philosophical after seeing the lobster, which could be twice his 54 years.

"I don't think you could eat something that big. ... What range of emotions does a lobster have? Greed? Lust? Love? I'm just going to give him to the zoo and hope he lives another 100 years," Wholey said.

Little is known of Bob Wholey, seafood wholesaler, and even less in known of him as a philosopher. We intend to rectify the situation. Please take time to read some quotes from Bob’s new book Philosophy of a Seafood Wholesaler.

  • “The question becomes does the lobster participate in cognitive processes or is he just really tasty in butter. Descartes summed it up best when he said “I taste good in butter, therefore, I am a lobster” in his later work Discourse on Meth.”

    “Can a shrimp know the difference between good and evil when fried in a light, flaky tempura or must it be free of external forces to understand its actions?”

    “Is beauty truly in the eye of the beholder, and if so, why do people eat squid?”

    “The study of metaphysical philosophy and ontological thought can never in a million years explain the popularity of “Big Mouth Billy Bass”.”

    “Existentialism holds hope for its practitioners only this side of the grave. Jean-Paul Sartre had crabs... Sorry, I’m a seafood wholesaler, they can’t all be gems.”

Buy a copy today at Barnes & Noble, Borders, or a Red Lobster near you.


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