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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Risotto...

...that was Martha Stewart's response to a reporter who asked the Living maven what she was planning for dinner on her first day home from prison.

Left out of the story were some of Martha's other plans now that she's out of the pen:

  • Have "Crips" tattoo removed from left buttock
  • Break up with her "girlfriend" from the joint
  • Shower privately "a lot"
  • Develop a lovely assortment of shivs and files for her new K-Mart Line "Martha's Big House Survival Kit"
  • Switch from free weights to Nautilus
  • Turn down all her jailhouse fan mail marriage proposals
  • Handsomely reward all the guards who "looked out after her ***"
  • Lobby Congress to pass a law mandating a much wider assortment of colors and patterns for penitentiary bedding
  • Beat the living crap out of her lawyer
  • Swim around in a big pile of money every night for the rest of her life and send the pictures to federal prosecutors who sent her up the river

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