It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

A slooooooowwww week

My goodness it’s a slow week for humor. I just got my latest edition of the L.A. Times and as always turned to the classified section to see if there were any good buys. I was interested to find amongst the trinkets a few interesting things on the auction block. Here are some excerpts:

FOR SALE – Large Ranch in Los Olivos, CA., 2400 acres, beautiful views of Santa Ynez Valley, normal amenities to include zoo with elephants, giraffes, llamas, chimps, and crocodiles, amusement park with Ferris wheel and roller coaster. Will throw in Liz Taylor/Larry Fortinski invitations and Elephant Man’s bones. $4 million upkeep per year. Perfect for a family with forty or fifty kids. Ask for Peter Pan Price: $30,000,000

FOR SALE – Large caliber handgun, must go immediately. Only used once. Grips missing and serial number filed off. Call Baretta Price: $20 OBO

FOR SALE – Cell phone, stupid thing gives out phone numbers to people who aren’t my friends, I never even heard of Stew Miller, videophone cache can be obtained for extra fee. Call Paris…wait I don’t have a phone now…just call Daddy’s people at the Hilton, they can find me. Price $200 ($75,000 for video files)

Remind me to burn my copies of the L.A. Times before reading them from now on.

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