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Thursday, March 03, 2005

Unexplained Giant Lobster Deaths

Stew, I can tell you're pretty broken up by Bubba's passing, but at least his life will not have been in vain. I hear that at his wake they'll be serving him, with butter and a nice chablis.

If you can see past your grief for a moment, I noticed, at the bottom of the article you linked to, the suspicious string of large lobster deaths in this country. At first I thought we might have the makings of some sort of crustacean serial killer, but I've investigated and decided that most of the deaths are explainable. The middle school kids accidentally killed their lobster during an impromptu game of dodge ball. The New England Aquarium death was a bit more suspicious, with the temperature increase and the salt reduction, until I found out that lobster shared a tank with an eldery squid who always complained about the tank being "too cold" and "having too much salt in my diet". That squid has since been sent to a nursing home for incorrigible invertabrates.

The one that troubled me most though was the lobster that perished in Detroit. The article described that death as follows:

In 1990, a 17 1/2-pound lobster named Mimi died just days after being flown to a restaurant in Detroit.

I did some research and found that the Detroit cops have a suspected perp. Police are currently seeking this man for questioning in that death.

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