It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Comedy Terror?

This Sky News report ends with a reference to a "self-styled comedy terrorist". Pardon me Mr. Barschak, but "comedy terrorist"? Given the world's preoccupation with real terror, this self stylization is clearly in execrable taste. Would he find it funny if we sent him to a "comedy proctologist" or if a "comedy mugger" did a routine on him?

Nonetheless, there is something fascinating about pranking the royals. Elizabeth Regina seems quite a sensible bird, but the rest of the family seems to be on the hound's side of barking mad. So, quite naturally, some people (but no one on this site of course!) are interested in playing some harmless pranks, that will result in no harm to anything but royal protocol and pride.

While we at DOUI do not endorse such activites, especially those that are accomplished through the violation of British or international law, I would like to take this opportunity (checks to see if the lawyers have left the room for their martini nightcaps) to list the sort of thing I'd come up with, were I keen to do such a thing, which I most certainly am not Mr. Blair.

  • "T.P." Kensington Palace...with the two ply, extra soft stuff.
  • Get Prince Harry smashed, dress him up as a Nazi, and send him to a very public party. (It wasn't me, I swear.)
  • Hire Graham Norton to walk around in a thong and loudly proclaim "that Parker-Bowles woman stole my Bonnie Prince Charlie!" Actually, let's skip the thong idea as it's making me queasy.
  • Hide these under all the seat cushions at Windsor the day before Charles and Camilla's wedding. Walk around outside the palace waving my hand in front of my face as if to say, "Where's that smell coming from?"
  • Place a large sign outside of Buckingham Palace that says "Get It Here Boys!"
  • "Accidentally" reschedule Arsenal-Chelsea match at Windsor City Clerk's Office the day of the Charles-Camilla wedding.
  • Right at the part of the wedding where someone asks if there should be any reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony, throw your voice and imitate Queen Elizabeth coughing loudly and then saying, "Sorry Charlie!"
  • Convert the Royal Carriage to a "low rider".
  • Repeatedly blow a dog whistle in front of Prince Charles and ask, "Can you hear that mate?"
  • "Goose" the Queen at the wedding reception.
  • Reroute the Honeymoon to Zimbabwe.

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