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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Clarification is the how you say Cinnamon of Life

Okay, before I get into the juicy meat part of this unnecessary paragraph, I first need to, how you say, address the post about me earlier in this blog. First, the careful reader was linked to a CD Baby website where some crackpot type person play the how you say violin or something, maybe the two string banjo like toothless malform head baby in Deliverance or some kind of instrument, I don't even know. Let me point out that this CD Baby person is a Jorge Carlito Viejo muy diferente que this Jorge Carlito Viejo which is me. I do not suggest to you buy this man's CD if you are thinking it is the ever so elegant Mr. Jorge Carlito Viejo which you see typing this message before you, because you will be deceived and your $12.97 plus shipping will be like the pennies going down into the toilet hole into sewer where the alligators going to eat it. Also, I do not wish to be too closely affiliated with this certain, as he call himself, Cakey the Jacked-Up Clown, because I think the grease paint he smearing on his face producing certain fumes which go up the nostrils and eating away at the already shrivelled brain. Here are other persons and web sites I do not wish to be affiliated with:

I do not have anything to do with the Ugly Dog Ranch. When I see the ugly face dog, I always go out of my way to spit upon that dog and maybe put some kind of fruit rind upon the head. I prefer the beautiful fluffy white or brown dog that will fetch the newspaper and maybe a nice Eggs Benedict con Leche de Mono. So this rumor that I ranching the ugly dogs is a big old nutmeg-oozing lie.

It is also untrue that I am making, manufacturing, selling or otherwise having anything to do with Space Food Sticks! If somebody spotted me selling some type of food product on the streets of Omaha, despite appearance of food, I guarantee you it was not space food sticks. It was Palillos de la mantequilla y de la cebolla con la grasa adicional, which I made in my own industrial kitchen. Granted, this tasty food of my homeland might have the similar appearance to Space Food Sticks, but don't get caught up in the lies, Mr. and Ms. Reader.

And finally, I think it is ever so important to point out that I am in no way associated with the official Danny Devito Dating Service, despite what you might be reading in tomorrow's newspaper. While it is true that I have tried to help a lonely Mr. Devito out by setting him up on dates with, alternately, 1) the granddaughter of a Wizard of Oz munchkin, 2) a really human-looking tangerine, 3) a cardboard cut-out of Natalie Portman, 4) a hat with googly eyes glued to it, 5) Gary Coleman in a dress, as it turned out later, Danny Devito already married to some lady name Rhea Pearlman, so my efforts in vain. Also, he don't even know me, so that make the difficult become the impossible, but he can never say I did not try.

Thank you and please quit affiliating me with these websites, persons or political idealogies, and I thank you from the core of my faithful heart.


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