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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Space Food Sticks! That takes me back...

...to my astronauting days. Many were the days when Buzz, Neal, John, Satchmo, Curly, Hubert, Marnie, Quirrel, and I (and the pony) would be lounging around in Skylab, scarfing down chocolate malt-flavoured space sticks and bandying about old war stories about the practical jokes we played on Mission Control Chief Gene Kranz.

My favourite was when Neal, right after setting foot upon the moon, caterwauled, "It's molten lava! I'm melting! Melting! Gene, you bastard, this is all your fault!" Then John, Elmo, and Nostradamus threw a cooler of beverage on him to celebrate.

We didn't have Gatorade back in those days, so Gene wound up drenched in the Tom Collins mix the crew usually imbibed. Unfortunately for Neal, the Tom Collins shorted out the control board, so we lost communications with him for 72 hours. That, and Gene made him do the whole moon landing all over again, with the "One small step..." line. They still exhibit the "melting" tape at NASA conventions and CIA parties.

They swore Cronkite to secrecy, but he let it slip out once too often when he was blotto, so they replaced him with an android drone and put Walter into suspended animation next to Walt Disney's brain.

Ah, space sticks! They were delicious. Especially the peanut butter ones. They went really well with Tang.

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