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Friday, August 05, 2005

Earl Is in the House!

It's been rather a busy last week and a half, but the Fandos are at last home from vacation. First day back on the bleedin' job today (It's actually a good job, but I'd rather be writing this crap for a living..I mean, who wouldn't? I'm watching Python on the Beeb-American Style, also known as Crazy American Auntie, and I'm feeling quite jealous of the success that brilliant sextet has had. Memo to self - add two more writers to the blog).

I neglected describing the drive home, primarily because I'm legally prohibited by the Departments of State, Interior, and Motor Vehicles from disclosing the state in which I live, so as not to cause a general panic, as I am completely radioactive and transform into a massive, green monster when enraged.

All right, we all know that last part is actually the plot of every issue of Marvel Comics' The Incredible Hulk, as well as the Ang Lee film of the same name, in which the Hulk was, through the magical craft of computer generated imagery, as an enraged, green, John Goodman.

For those obsessively curious about such details, I will say that we stayed in hotel somewhere in Indiana and barely slept, what with all the kids playing basketball and driving open-wheeled motor vehicles into the wee hours of the morning. That and apparently Larry Bird is required by state law to greet each and every visitor to the state in person. I think they're shirking on this detail however, as the "Larry Bird" we met was only 5' 7" (or 6 inches shorter than me) and had a handlebar mustache. That and I beat him in a game of HORSE shooting only layups.

I plan to post more regularly, especially as we are expecting a massive new computer at the house any day now. I say "any day" because we actually have a boxed computer sitting in our living room that was delivered last week. I say "delivered last week" meaning that the computer was deposited on our doorstep while we were somewhere in Northern Virginia. In fact, if our neighbor hadn't noticed the large packages sitting in front of our door, it most likely would have wound up in the home of the person slowly driving their truck by our house. I say "slowly" because according to the neighbor they were driving along at a normal rate of speed until they got within sight of our house and the packages and suddenly slowed way down. I'm sure they could have been curious about why such large packages, stamped DELL, would be sitting out on the front porch on a day when the temperature was near 100 degrees Farenheit. Knowing our neighborhood, I'm also sure he was also curious as to how fast he could get them into his truck without being seen by the neighbors or police.

Our well intentioned neighbors prevented the theft by storing the computer in their garage. Unforunately, the inside of an unairconditioned garage on a hot summer day is about 1200 degrees (Celsius), and so I'm not particularly confident about the machine.

Also, I had discovered the early delivery of the machine when I went to call DELL about the shipment to have it delayed until we returned. Before I called, I decided to see if the machine had shipped yet and was flabbergasted to discover that it had already been dropped off. Furthermore, after contacting the overnight delivery firm (who shall, for legal purposes remain unnamed, except to say that the color of their vehicles is the same as the color of a foul smelling substance that describes the quality of their service on this occasion), the firm told me they had received a signature for the machine. After I suggested to them that, being over 1000 miles away, I nor my wife could have signed for the PC, they admitted that the signature was "unreadable".

The short of it is that they are telling the computer company that someone signed for the PC, and I'm telling the computer company that the delivery service are lying out of their pieholes. A new machine, to replace the heat-inflicted one is on the way (supposedly) and we will be shipping the old one back to the company via the same delivery service.

The most hilarious thing about this (that is, hilarious to an outsider... for myself, the sensation has been one of numbing waves of pain) is that, shortly after discovering the mishap, I checked my cell phone voice mail and sure enough, there was the drivers voice, calling me to ask if I was going to be home or could a neighbor sign for the delivery. So, a machine worth over $1,500 was left on our doorstep because a delivery driver (company?) didn't want it on the truck, after the first day?

As you may well guess, I'm looking forward to hauling the first machine out to the delivery truck...so I can drop it on the driver's foot.

*************

Update: All right, I'm not really going to drop anything on anyone's foot (Satisfied F. Johnny Lee?)

More normal posting resumes tomorrow. Also, we hope to have a new addition to the DOUI roster sometime in the next week or two (if I can get him to actually sign on). So keep a lookout for a Mr. Linus Coconut.

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