If we wanted to use more than 140 characters, we'd be writing more here.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Miss America goes Vegas!

This year the Miss America Pageant is being held in Las Vegas. What happens when a contest designed to crown a paragon of American womanhood is set in "sin city"? Here's a short run down:

  • Finalists chosen from last ten ladies to "crap out" at the dice table.
  • Attendance doubles on news that the "bathing-suit" category has been replaced with a "topless revue." HBO gets the TV rights.
  • New Host: Wayne Newton! Here She Is, Miss America is replaced with Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast.
  • A pageant judge claims that someone threatened to "break his kneecaps" if he didn't vote for Miss New Jersey.
  • Pageant interrupted by plane crash of psychotic renegade convicts and Nicholas Cage.
  • Pageant interrupted by parachuting Elvis impersonators, including Nicholas Cage.
  • Pageant interrupted when Nicholas Cage leaps onstage and announces he will drink himself to death. Elizabeth Shue offers to console him. Wayne Newton interrupts, beating him with a folding chair, and announces, "We've had about enough of your nonsense tonight, pal!"
  • Several of the contestants complain about the enormous new "Miss America Headresses".
  • Special $9.99 "All Legs and Breasts" chicken buffet just before the pageant.
  • Miss America 2006 wins a Vegas quickie wedding with her choice of Nick Lachey, Tom Green, Kenny Chesney, or Dennis Rodman.
  • Contestants mobbed by "johns" while walking the Las Vegas Strip.
  • Two tables are by the stage this year: Judges and oddsmakers.
  • New Miss America indoor roller coaster.
  • New Finalist question: "If you become Miss America, who will you use your newfound crown to extort in the coming year?"

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home