It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Welcome to the End of the Universe

Proud, pocket-protector wearing planet pursuers have discovered what nobody would have imagined about the sheepish neutron star. It can take a joke!!!!! "The thick skin of the star allows it to maintain its composure when made fun of and even participate if some self-deprecating humor of its own", said Professor Red Ganjafreak. "We've been watching these stars a lot lately and they seem to be pretty self confident lot." However, it was also reported that they are more dense than originally thought, so maybe they just don't get it.

What I found more interesting about this story was the fact that a Starbucks has been observed on some of these seemingly hot, lifeless bodies. This discovery begs many questions, primary among them: Why would anyone need a Machiatto Soy Latte in space, much less on a star that would burn them to a crisp before they even set foot on it? We asked one customer, a Mr. Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Me: Mr. Beeblebrox, why Starbucks on a neutron star? Why not, Baskin Robbins on a Red Dwarf or Dunkin Donuts on a comet?

Zaphod: Don't call me Mr. Beeblebrox, Your Majesty will do. Oh baby, why not live life to the fullest? Sure, you've got the whole fusion reaction to deal with but I won't let that keep me from the biscotti. It actually loosens the stuff up.

Me: What are the advantages to having a Starbucks on a neutron star?

Zaphod: To be honest there are none. But have you tried the Green Tea Frappacino? You can't get that sort of thing anywhere around Betelgeuse, I'll tell you that. I usually order mine with 12,000 shots of expresso. Whoo wee baby that'll knock one of your heads off, but who's complaining, huh.

Me: I thought you lived strictly on Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters?

Zaphod: Well, one has to take what one can get. The Orange Mocha Frappacino is very close as long as you add a quart or two of benzene. (showing flask) I never leave home without the stuff.

Me: Thanks for answering my questions.

Zaphod: You're welcome, but no pictures please.

Me: I didn't ask for one.

Zaphod: Yeah, right.

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