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Monday, August 07, 2006

I'm sure he's very worried...I would be

We are always concerned for the welfare of dictators and oppressors here at the Dictionary. As members of the Dictators, Oppressors, and Others Deserve Illness Empathy (D.O.O.D.I.E.) collaboration we strive to feel the pain of our totalitarian friends. Sure they may kill detractors, imprison dissidents, and enrich themselves at the expense of their people, but hey, they get sick too. When we heard about the impending surgery for Fidel Castro, the organization went into effect. We immediately sent him a card, FTD fruit basket, and wishes for a speedy recovery.

We were also pleased to see that Elian Gonzales, the youngster who was returned to Cuba lo those many years ago, had sent Fidel his greetings and wishes for a speedy recovery. We submit for your approval a copy of the letter.

Dear Grandpa Fidel,

I was so worried when I heard you were sick with CENSORED. I am having a lot of fun in Re-Education Camp 37 located in CENSORED. I am very good at tobacco leaf origami, baseball, and model boat making. I plan to learn all I can and use this knowledge someday for the glory of Cuba. Thank you again for saving me from the capitalist evils of video games, Slurpies, regular meals, fun, free thinking, and Honey-Nut Cheerios.

Grandpa, I am worried you will need further treatment. Please consider going to The Mayo Clinic in the United States of America. I hear they have wonderful treatment even for dictators and beloved leaders like you. You could even take me with you to assist you and pick up things you might need. Please consider this as I am very worried about you.

Very worried to the point of distraction,


p.s. Tell Raul hi for me.

Here's our fingers crossed that everything will go quickly.


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