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Monday, January 24, 2005

Does this mean there's now a "Number 3"?

Stew, I think you’re beginning to take the title of our little blog much too seriously. Still, I think that Dave Barry would be deathly envious, were one iota of his formidable mind aware of our existence, as he has made it part of his life’s work to chronicle the development of sophisticated toilet technology.

Of course, “sophisticated” is a massive exaggeration here. When I went to the link and saw the words “shower” and “toilet”, my mind eventually was reminded of the very old joke about Canada (and please let me explain myself before you send the Snowbirds off to strafe my home Premier Martin.) As this old chestnut goes, Canada could have had French cuisine, American technology, and British culture, but would up with British cuisine, French technology, and American culture.

Now I fancy my bangers and mash as much as the next bloke, so I don’t think Canada came off too badly (33% success, eh?). However, this unique invention makes me think Canada was very lucky indeed. They could have had American technology and French culture. This thing is the next step on the evolutionary ladder from the bidet. They could have covered it all if only they’d added a small icebox for bridies and sausage rolls.

While the energetic Mr. Miller has scooped me on this little gem, I did take it upon myself to leave the product’s very first review on the Amazon page from which it…ahem…sprung forth. For those of you with weak constitutions when it comes to viewing devices designed to shower and flush at the same time, I have reproduced it below.

"Like the colleague of mine who first noticed it, I hesitate to imagine the customer images that will be shared for this amazing new product. I am also struggling to fathom the insipration for this brave, reckless invention. Was the inventor, hunched over a chamberpot, suddenly overcome by the need to be drenched in hot, soapy water? Was it the opposite end of the spectrum, where the constant sound of powerful jets of H2O triggered the uncontrollable urges of an overstimulated bladder?

"Good heavens people! Showers! Toilets! Never the twain shall meet! Are people so rushed that we now have to find inventive ways to merge our personal hygeine needs with our defecation time? They say that necessity is the mother of invention? She should have taken the bleeding day off. "

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