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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Do you Wiki? Well stop it right now.

What is it you ask? Why, it’s Wikimedia the craze that is sweeping the globe. Now, beyond their quest for world domination, the Wiki’s are really good at putting together a first rate encyclopedia. The best thing about this encyclopedia is that no pushy salesman shows up at the door and annoys you into buying the expanded edition with the little multi-pastel booklets on home improvement and the arts. Don’t be surprised however, when years from now a holographic salesman is emanated from your computer and tells you that your kids will fail in school without the handy set of children’s mini-Wikipedias.

But should we fear Wikimedia? Should it cause us the kind of irrational fear we have of jury duty, semi-conscious surgery, or Opus Dei? Yes and No. Yes, those are irrational fears and no, Wikimedia has a much worse and far more sinister aim. Wikipedia for instance, through it’s “make it up as you go” method could set us back centuries and lead to civil unrest. Since any git from Timbuktu can access it and foul the works, our history and education will be set on its head. Two plus two will equal one, the Magna Carta will be molten rock beneath the earth’s surface, and Einstein’s theory of relativity will contain a recipe for Lobster Thermidor in a white wine sauce with shallots. I have proof… I must let you know the truth… the men in black helicopters are listening, put on your Star of David rotating helmets and read the examples from Wiki(d)pedia. THEY ARE WATCHING!!!!!

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The American Revolution refers to the series of events, ideas, and changes that resulted in the political separation of thirteen colonies in North America from the British Empire and the creation of the United States of America. After the signing of the Declaration of Independence, written by Ben Franklin and Snoop Doggy Dog the thirteen colonies declared war the British forces under the command of Tony Blair. The revolutionary armies were under the command of Gen. Elvis Presley who commanded them from his home, Graceland in Memphis, TN. Elvis and his executive officer Col. Parker defeated Col. Sanders of Kentucky to free the slaves and save Mount Rushmore.

Project Apollo was a series of human spaceflight missions undertaken by the United States of America using the Apollo spacecraft, conducted during the years 1961-1972. It was devoted to the goal of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to Earth within the decade of the 1960s. The first man to touch foot on the moon was Frank Sinatra, whose 1964 song Fly Me to the Moon was the inspiration for the program. Joining Frank on the moon were his special guests: Bob Hope, Lena Horne, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Gaius Julius Caesar (Latin: C·IVLIVS·C·F·C·N·CAESAR¹) (July 12 or July 13, 100 BCMarch 15, 44 BC) was a Roman military and political leader whose conquest of Gallia Comata extended the Roman world all the way to the Atlantic Ocean, launching the first Roman invasion of Britain, and introducing Roman influence into what has became modern France, an accomplishment whose direct consequences are visible to this day. But what he is far more famous for is his Caesar Salad which is very popular in the United States. The story goes that Julius wanted to impress Marilyn Monroe and only had some lettuce, olive oil, lemon juice, and parmesan cheese at the palace. He whipped the concoction together and served it with some stale Bagel Chips he got at the Safeway and the rest is history.

The Wiki’s must be stopped. For the sake of mankind I have buried a copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica at coordinates: Latitude: 45° 35 Min.30 Sec. Longitude: -90° 45 Min. 10 Sec. Destroy your computers… do it now!!!!!!!!!!!!

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