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Sunday, April 10, 2005

Super Villians You Never Knew...

I used to read a lot of comic books when I was younger and immature (say 29) and one thing that struck me about most of the hereos is that they had a sidekick. Batman had Robin, the Boy Wonder (whose full nickname led to all sorts of inappropriate questions), Captain America had Bucky, the Green Arrow had Speedy, and Flaming Carrot had those two groupie chicks that hung out at his house all the time and didn't seem to have real jobs, which led to all sorts of speculation as to how they actually made a living that I can't really delve into on this web site.

Super villians though all seem to be loners. This may account for their highly sociopathic nature, and also for the fact that many of them seemed to have turned to super-villiany after some freak accident in a lab which, had they had a sidekick, might have been avoided. ("Lex, look out! You're about to accidentally mix that radioactive isotope with hair remover instead of water!" "Right you are Stylin' Jim! Good thing you spotted that or I might have got really frustrated and taken it out on humanity for the rest of my unnaturally extended comic-book life!")

As it turns out though, it's only the really famous super villians that don't have sidekicks. There are numerous lesser-known super villians that have loyal and pathetically servile sidekicks. The following is a little game, just to test your knowledge about these otherwise useless things. Connect the super villian with his sidekick! Answers are at the bottom of the post.

Villians ----- Sidekicks
The Skewer ----- Bobo
Captain Flatulence ----- Stevie
The Toe ----- Rodney
Roger Daltrey's Evil Twin ----- Dougie
The Stool ----- Shirl
The Green Squirrel ----- Mary Ann
Bubka ----- Tony
Silent but Deadly ----- Gary
Mr. Empathy ----- Winkle
The Anti-Kreskin ----- Larry
The Creeping Stench ----- Cal

This was a trick question. The sidekicks listed above were actually all co-hosts of local morning "news" shows. The real sidekicks are below.

Villians ----- Sidekicks
The Skewer ----- Regis
Captain Flatulence ----- Tootie
The Toe ----- Burt
Roger Daltrey's Evil Twin ----- Pete Townsend's Evil Twin
The Stool ----- Laverne
The Green Squirrel ----- Ginger
Bubka ----- Rudolpho Antonio de Marcos Albacore Santiago Jr.
Silent but Deadly ----- Whiffer
Mr. Empathy ----- Willis
The Anti-Kreskin ----- Storch
The Creeping Stench ----- Genghis


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