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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

DOUI - Like Madonna on horseback..only more painful.

So far August has been a crazy month around the Miller house which has, oddly enough, now been sold. Yes, we have made the big leap and are changing domiciles as I offer this post apologizing for not writing enough lately. I've had about as much luck finding time to write as Madonna has riding glue factory rejects on her birthday. (Note to self, cancel horseriding lessons with Prince Charles) Anyway, I will endeavor to make more frequent posts in the coming days. They probably won't be long, although that's never too much of a problem, but they will be filled with as much humor as a man who is buying a new house can muster. So if you see a post that looks oddly like a suicide note in the coming days, just ignore it, unless of course it is accompanied a picture of yours truly hanging from a noose.

Todays offering comes from a thought I had this morning as I drove down the interstate listening to the local sports show. Someone on the show made a humorous reference to Hooked on Phonics, the program that we were led to believe was going to make our little tikes get their MBAs by the third grade. Always the inquisitive one I got to thinking what other programs might be offered in this similar dynamic way to the youths of our fine land.

  • Lassoed by Algebra - a robust three-week program to the finer points of algebraic structures and how they can propel one into the world of mathematics. Aimed at children 4-6. Tony Waters - Age 5 "I never thinked of numbers as letters, why would you do that?"
  • Coalesced with Cantonese - from the exciting world of foreign languages comes our dynamic two-week course on this fun branch of the Chinese language. Hey, we all better learn it soon!! Aimed at toddlers. Amy Poershke - Age 2 "排匯物" ("Poo Poo")
  • Hitched to Gourmet Cooking - who wouldn't want their child to attend Le Cordon Bleu and be the next Paul Bocuse. Learn the finer points of haute cuisine in our three-day course aimed at those pre-teens afflicted with anterograde memory dysfunction. Leo Shelton - Age 12 "I cooked what? When did I do that?"
  • Shackled to Kabbalah - give your young one a push toward fame with our 10-day study of the mystic Jewish religion so popular with celebs (not celebates, I mean Madonna is involved for heaven's sake). Aimed at 4 year olds and the Madonnas, Demi Moores, and Britney Spears's of the world. Mick Jagger - Age121 "I mean like mate, dis is all mystical and t'ings."

Those and many more too numerous to mention when my mind is on closings and labeling of boxes. I'll hopefully see you all soon.


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