It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Friday, August 12, 2005

The McKenzie Brothers doing surgery, eh?

Two scalpel wielding Canadian teenagers sprang into action this week to save some kittens whose mother had unfortunately died. Most teenage girls are selling lemonade beside the road or foisting Girl Scout cookies on unsuspecting adults but not these two. The teens found the pregnant dead cat and after performing a caesarian section saved two kittens, I guess the cat couldn’t be saved because they didn’t have any little defibrillator paddles to use. While this was a valiant effort it does pose some alarming questions concerning Canada’s healthcare system. It seems the passed-on pussycat received quicker and better medical service than most people can get in most of the provinces or territories.

It is in this vain that we recommend to our neighbors to the north steps that can be taken to overcome some of the healthcare woes they suffer. Surely, if two young girls can provide surgical services to deceased felines, gratis of course, other institutions of the country can do their part to help out.

1. Tim Horton’s could provide angioplasty with every order of a dozen doughnuts and an iced cappuccino. They could also provide free dental cleaning to all customers on the way out the door.

2. Canadian NHL teams could bring back the fans with promotions like “Colonoscopy Night” or “Prostate Exam Night”. I can assure you beer sales in the stadium would skyrocket on these nights.

3. The Royal Canadian Mounted could get onboard by staging “Get a Breast Exam by a Mountie” events around the country. I’m sure these would be very popular in the Territories.

4. Popular Canadian musician Avril Lavigne could promote hearing exams at her concerts. Personally I think head exams would be in order also.

So there you have it Canada, a call to arms!!! Get off your back-bacon and do something to take the reins of your national health crisis. That, or roving gangs of surgery-peddling teens might be taking to the streets of Montreal before your know it.

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