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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Hey Diddy, Diddy!

Yahoo! Entertainment (yes, I'm lazy this week and relying on Yahoo! for news - actually I'm very busy this week, but lazy sounds funnier)...where was I before that parenthetical? Ah, yes, Yahoo! Entertainment confirms that Sean "Puffy" Combs, AKA Puff Daddy, AKA P. Diddy, is completely mental. He has changed his name once again.

He is now only "Diddy", which happens to also be the name of my mailman's schnauzer.

The Did-man explains: "I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer."

Clearly the only thing between him and his fans (besides his 20,000-person strong entourage) is the gulf between sanity and madness. Funny, he didn't say anything about crack or reefer influencing the decision. So it's natural madness, is it?

Diddy went on to point out, "During concerts, half the crowd is saying 'P. Diddy'--half the crowd is chanting 'Diddy'--now everybody can just chant 'Diddy.'"

They're not chanting "Diddy". They're chanting "Ditsy".

Of course, the only logical progression this can have is that Sean "Puffy" "Puff Daddy" "P. Diddy" "Just Diddy" Combs will again change his name in less than 3 months. The rate of name-changing seems to be growing exponentially, so that, in 10 years time, he'll change his name every morning when he wakes up. 20 years from now, every utterance he makes will be an attempt to change his name, so that in the end, he will have no name and will just be referred to by the media as "that washed-up fruitcake with the name-changing obsession."

Stew, perhaps we should help the poor bastard out by suggesting some names to use in his old age? Otherwise, he'll spend his golden years frantically thumbing through the White Pages and Baby Naming books.

Allow me to start with a few meager suggestions:

P. (It's simpler than "Diddy"!)
Puff Cracky
P. Diddley
Gomer
Puff Squid
Crack Daddy
Marie
P. Squirrelly

Can you imagine that this fellow was once hooked up with Jennifer Lopez.

Hmmm... That would explain the madness.

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