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Monday, October 03, 2005

Peace Rocks

Or at least it could rock if some people are correct in their guess that Bono and Bob Geldof will win this year's Nobel Peace Prize.

I called Dr. Sigmund Andersmickelgroenigensonson, noted Nobel Prize authority and habedasher for his take on the possibility. Here are the highlights:

Earl: Do you think it's likely that Bono and Bob Geldof could win the Nobel Peace Prize?

Dr. Sigmund Andersmickelgroenigensonson: Anything is possible with this committee. They vote like they were smoking crack in an opium den during a kegger. I heard they briefly considered David Hasselhoff last year for his work promoting peace via a German version of Baywatch, but they had to move in another direction becuase of an unfortunate technicality - Hasselhoff wasn't actually nominated. Also, it turns out that in the German version, Hasselhoff's role is played by Dan Marino.

Earl: Why would rock stars have a particularly better chance this year?

Dr. Andersmickelgroenigensonson: The committee has been really interested in picking up chicks all year, and this would be a real plus at the awards dinner-party. Also, the music at these ceremonies has been a pretty staid affair in the past - Bach, Vivaldi, Palestrina, the occasional ABBA - so this would pep things up a bit.

Earl: Any truth to the rumour that the committee is trying to sell the rights to the awards show to ABC?

Dr. A.: CBS got them, but only if Bono and Bob Geldof win. If it's Finnish President Martti Ahtisaari, the show goes straight to the Biography Channel.

Earl: Is Bono the first person with only one name to be considered for such a prize?

Sig: Cher was considered for the Peace Prize in 1978 for breaking up a fight between former husbands Sonny Bono and Gregg Allman. Also, Jack Lemmon was considered in 1964 for his efforts to bring peace to MGM.

Earl: Isn't Jack Lemmon's name, in fact, two words?

Siggy: Yes, but he was working under an assumed name: Charo.

Earl: What an amazing disguise.

Little Siggy Wiggy: It helped that he was an outstanding Flamengo guitarist.

Earl: If Bono and Geldof win, would that signal a major change for the Nobels?

Sigmund the Sea Monster: Well, it would open up the awards to a number of previously fringe candidates - David Blaine for his work in Physics and Robert Downey Jr. in Chemistry, for his experimental work in drugs. Also, French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin might finally bag the Literature award for his translations of Rod McKuen and also his original work "My Mistress's Other Lover", "Staring at Myself in the Mirror for Hours on End," and "Poems from a Gasbag."

Earl: That would be a shocker.

Siggy-siggy-bofiggy-bonanarana: It would almost top Fidel Castro's extermely controversial Medicine award in 1971 for his purported research into the healthful benefits of cigar burns on political prisoners.


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