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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

A most felicitous Valentines to all

We would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day and hope that you and your loved ones enjoy it. May you have sweet dreams of Bode Miller's impending double gold (Update: Whoops apparently he missed a gate or some such skiing nonsense and may miss out on that), Michelle Kwan skating to a historic third medal (What!, she's out of the thing already), and short track speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno defending his... let's face it, the Olympics haven't been all they're cracked up to be. Maybe Valentine's Day and the hope of chocolate can raise our spirits. That, and I just got a e-mail from Lukas P. Short he wanted me to share.

Howdy to all my friends over at the Dictionary and I hope ya'll are enjoying this Valentines Day. Things have been busy around the ranch and I haven't had the time to write but with one of my favorite holidays here, I'd feel bad if I didn't catch you up. Feliciana my lovely bride of 35 years says howdy also and she's busy gussying up the place with hearts and all manner of Valentine's knickknacks. Since you boys over there are so fond of top ten lists I thought I'd send you my list of things to do before the big day.

Luke's Top 10 Valentine's Day To Do List

10. Re-schedule my lawyer huntin' trip with Dick Cheney. "Defibrillator" Dick's already bagged his limit this month and I've got to run down to the shop to get Feliciana a new turquoise studded g-string.

9. Drink two gallons of Tetley extra sweet tea so I can urinate the words Happy Valentines Day My Darlin' Feliciana into the newly fallen snow. Now, who said I ain't romantic.

8. Cancel my bet with Wayne Gretsky's wife on Bode Miller finishing with the double gold medal.

7. Take Feliciana to the Western Sizzlin' for all you can eat steak. It must be fate, Senior Night and Valentines Day falling on the same day.

6. Got to remember my little blue pill. (I do get bad indigestion at Western Sizzlin'. What did you think I meant?)

5. Fire up the Allison and get my generator hitched up. (Just thought that sounded suggestive.)

4. Finish reading Great Iranian Pick-up Lines, I'm on page 2 and have one page to go. Best one I've found so far: "Is your Dromedary camel a Bactrian, or is it just happy to see me?"

3. **********edited for publication**********

2. Hurry and sell off my PepsiCo stock and buy gold, and a little trinket for Feliciana. With Saddam Hussein on a hunger strike the drop in Doritos sales alone could take twenty points off.

1. Settle in for an evening of muscadine wine and season two of Deadwood. I don't wanna hear any "blue pill" jokes out there.


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