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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

It's still frickin' cold!!!!!!!!

Scientists in Japan have taken core samples from a 1 million year old block of ice in Antarctica. (No, wait that isn't the joke.) They believe that the samples will unlock the secrets of past eras due to finding on the levels of carbon dioxide and methane in the layers. It was later learned in the news conference that Godzilla is pissed because the ice he had for his big block party is missing and he is said to be destroying Tokyo at this very moment. (OK, you can laugh now, no really, please don't make me beg)

In our thirst for scientific knowledge here at DOUI we always like to sit down with these eggheads and try and dig deeper into the story. After the news conference, I sat down with Hideaki Motoyama and his team to discuss their findings.

Stew: Thank you for discussing your teams findings Dr. Motoyama.

HM: You are most welcome Miller-san, we at NIPR (pronounced nipper) hope to enlighten the world to what is happening 3 kilometers under the surface of Antarctica. We have spent millions of dollars because we think it will mean something important to our present day society.

Dr. Hiroshi Ishiguro (who bears a striking resemblence to a young Jerry Lewis) comes in with a pitcher of ice-cold lemonade.

Dr. Ishiguro: Honorable Miller-san, would you enjoy to imbibe some of the lemonade?

Stew: Thank you, I would enjoy a glass.

HM: Hiroshi, where did you get the ice for lemonade? I thought the icemaker was broken. You didn't use the...

HI: Uh oh.

Stew does enormous spit take.

HM: You fool!!!!! Thank goodness we have another sample left, you could have ruined our research.

Stew: Back to your research, what are we supposed to learn from these ice sample from 3 kilometers below the surface of Antarctica?

HM: We hope to learn information concerning the climate at various periods in the past as we study the strati. The concentrations of CO2 and methane will give us a unique look at the ancient world of seals and penguins. Sniff it, mmmmm can you just smell the methane.

HI: Sorry Motoyama-san, but I believe that is some bad sushi I got for lunch.

HM: Go away! You are like a bull in a china shop. Anyway, please view this group of slides that will show you other research we are conducting.

Drilling into the million year old KFC coleslaw.

Drilling into the million year old cow chip provided by Honorable Lukas-san.

How did that get in there? Hiroshiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!

Getting core sample from Barbra Streisand's brain.

Million year old Long John Silver clam strips.

Million year old fondue should reveal a great deal of methane.

HM: I hope that explains the aims of our research.

Stew: I think we get the picture.

HI: Honorable Miller-san, please accept beautiful swan ice sculpture as parting gift.



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