It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Friday, April 07, 2006

New Hampshire: Additional Suggestions

That wasn't an actual suggestion for a New Hampshire motto (though in hindsight, it's not bad) but I do have some suggestions of my own.

First though, I'm not sure why the old slogan was replaced. One thought was that maybe some New Hampshirites would prefer to live in some form of servitude, but I can't imagine the totalitarian or S&M crowds to have that large a constiuency, even in a flake-haven like the Granite State. Obviously, the marketers have taken over, since "You're going to love it here!" reeks of the kind of frappucino-latte, brand-name sportswear indulgence popular with these types.

I should confess that Stew also reeks of frappucino and wears Nike and Addias golfing attire as often as Tom Cruise wears a goofy smile, but I can vouch for his personal character and confirm that he is completely unlike marketing types, having a conscience and reasonably good taste (I am of course referring to the frappucino). I myself reek of bottled water and novelty-flavoured toothpaste, but that's hardly germane here.

Also, just as an aside, if the good people of New Hampshire should choose any of these, please contact us about residual checks for all the license plate, bumper sticker, and state-themed dishware usage. It's a shame the New Hampshire quarter has already come out as we would have simply settled for 1% of those.

Anyway, my suggestions:

  • New Hampshire: Not as Pointless as You'd Think!
  • New Hampshire: Mirror Image of Vermont!
  • New Hampshire: We Were Going to Be The Natural State but Arkansas Beat Us To It, The Barefoot, Preganant, Still-Sucking Bastards!
  • New Hampshire: Still Here!
  • New Hampshire: Live Free or Whatever!
  • New Hampshire: Would You Like Some Bark with That?
  • New Hampshire: The Killer Bees Haven't Made It Here Yet!
  • New Hampshire: Barely Touching Canada!
  • New Hampshire: Where Sociopathic, Firearm-Wielding Mountain Men Are Still Welcome (Mostly)!
  • New Hampshire: Metropolis-Free!
  • New Hampshire: Still Better Than Old Hampshire!

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