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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Diego Maradona's Shame

Obviously, given the title, this could be a vast and epic post if I indeed focused on every shameful aspect of the Argentinian soccer savant's career. Indeed, a post only on the vile "Hand of God" deception against England in the 1986 World Cup Finals would necessarily be the size of the English version of Wikipaedia.

No, instead I have chosen to focus on one small humiliation Maradona suffered recently at the hands of a Berlin hotel pianist. Apparently, after Argentina were eliminated from this year's Cup by Germany, the aforementioned pianist had the temerity to play "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" in the presence of the talented volleyballer... erm...footballer.

Of course, getting upset over something like this is the equivalent of going to ground in a match after being pushed in the back with a hummingbird feather.

Maradona repsonded to the affront by calling his good friend and personal trainer Fidel Castro, who prompted sent 250 revolutionaires to the hotel, where they shot the pianist, sexually assualted the maids, forced the bellhops to migrate to Denmark by sea in a vegetable crate, and blew up the hotel bar when they said they didn't have any Guayabita del Pinar in stock.

Maradona celebrated his revenge by downing a handful of diet pills and curling into a fetal ball outside the Reichstag.

The funny thing was that Maradona didn't even attend the match in question, as there was some dispute over ticket allocations, according to the AFP article linked above. My sources (which may or may not include my own bitter imagination) inform me that he was ticked because they didn't have enough tickets for his entourage of 7,200 people, and also because, apparently, cocaine use is banned in the stadium.


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