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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Happy Birthday Life!!!!!!!

No, that is not some metaphorical exclamation meant to remind those who didn't send me a birthday card (Zimpter, you know who I'm talking about) to do so. I am in fact talking about Life Magazine and their 70th birthday celebration that is taking place this month. Life has had a huge impact over the years on many of the fibrous, hearty flannel wearing citizenry of our fine country. I'm sure many a time its absorbent and rugged pages have been used in the out-houses and lavatories of this rugged stock, when the toilet roll ran low. But it is more for its cover photography, and to a lesser extent its sh!thouse properties, for which it is known.

Take a walk with me down memory lane, won't you?

Here we have a soldier from an unnamed country standing proudly with his rifle. One might wonder if this is the inestimable Sergeant York or some hero of ages past. Sadly, we have learned that it is in fact Lieutenant Henri Pascal who was trampled to death by his own men when they learned that their ration of frommage had been halved.

From the "Golden Age of Hedonism" comes this 1957 edition devoted to the voyeurism of Bert Lahr and the psychedelic effects of mushrooms. I'm sure they must have been proud.

Who can forget the sixties, a time of peace, love, and despots. It was also a time when your dictators wore more army fatigues and less Adidas jumpsuits. Ah, those were the salad days of totalitarian butchers... of course I mean benevolent totalitarian butchers.

With similar fond remembrance we hark back to the time when the apes took over the planet. Damn dirty apes! It was a mad house, a mad house... but the female fashions weren't actually that bad, I do have to admit.

Then came a time when the magazine crossed the line between relevance and irrelevance. A point where no magazine should go and one from which it would never recover.

Life would never be the same. We really mean that.

This abomination led down the road to a hellish slump that brought cover after cover of shame.

So, happy birthday Life! Now go back down into your filthy hole.


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