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Saturday, October 07, 2006

A New Automotive Trend - Dogs!

Juliette Piesley seems to have hit upon something big. No, I don't mean the fact that the Addlestone-based woman looks like and is approximately the same age as a certain Britain author of youth-oriented books, who is currently sequestered in her Edinburgh Fortress of Solitude (She bought the naming rights from DC Comics) writing the last of a series of novels that will enable her to buy the monarcy from the Windsors (She's already made the first 3 down payments).

No, Ms. Piesley has hit upon a novel idea that has revolutionised the car industry: Dogs.

It seems that Ms. Piesley's dog George, who was named after Liberace's infamous brother, accidentally swallowed a computer chip that was critical to the ignition of their vehicle. Now, the only way the car will start is if George is in it.

In the States, Detroit has taken notice. Ford has declared their intentions to bring out a new dog-themed SUV called the Great Dane, which will come with a live one as an included accessory which can double as your windscreen wiper. They also are developing a sports car called the Whippet which will not only include a live whippet, but which will be shaped like one, excluding the small, rat-like tail. They are even discussing changing the Mustang to the Mastiff, but in early tests too many drivers were seriously injured by the dogs that were included.

Chevy plans to change the name of its Tahoe to the Shih Tzu and to design the vehicle's engine to making a loud panting noise whist ticking over (idling for those of you in Montana). Also, they are going to design a lorry called the St. Bernard, which will include both a dog and a fully stocked mini-bar.

In England, the Aston-Martin will soon be known as the Airedale-Martin, but only because they couldn't find a cool enough dog breed that started with the letter "M." The dog will not only be required to start the vehicle, but also to open the glove box.

In Germany, Volkswagen is coming out with a whole line of cars, the Shepard, the Doberman, and the Rottweiler, all of which will be designed for high petrol mileage efficiency, comfort, afforability, and to attack intruders and prisoners-of-war on command.

Finally, Italy is combining dog-themed vehicles with attempts to develop alternative fuels. The Maltese will be a new Ferrari that not only inlcudes an ignition-required dog, but will run on Kibbles and Bits instead of petrol. Mileage will vary depending on the flavour of the dog food and the vehicle will have a top speed of 150 Mph, 200 Mph whilst pursuing postal vehicles.

Finally, the dog trend is transcending the car industry to the publishing industry, where author J.K. You-Know-Who has declared that the final installation of her Harry Potter series will be titled Harry Potter and Bimbo the Welsh Corgi. J.K. said that she made the decision to counter the immense popularity of "Flapjacks" in a rival series written by a Mr. Coconut.


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