It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Promotional Gastronomy - The Six Flags Way!!!

After my roachy post of Monday, it occurred to me that the Six Flags promotional event involving the consumption of live, wriggling insects was not simply the product of deranged minds in the executive program at the theme park but was in fact the product of professional marketing experts.

All right, so technically that does mean that it was the product of deranged minds, but there's still something about this gimmick that I think can be generalized to other companies and attractions. As we're always on the lookout for a way to promote our own site, and generate wads of cash, I've come up with a list of suggestions that others might use to attract visitors and customers, and of course, should any of these corporations take up these ideas, they can contact me directly regarding robust financial compensation.

I and the good people here at DOUI (most notably our lawyer F. Johnny Lee, who is at this moment holding a Glock to my head) do however reserve the right to not be legally responsible should they employ these methods, and something go horribly wrong. (That's good enough for F.J.L. He's put the Glock down and returned to his favourite pasttime... watching his bank balance increase live on the Internet.)

So here they are: Earl's Gastronomically Radical and Dubious Promotional Schemes - the Six Flags Way!!!

  • I Could Eat a Horse and Just Did!!! - Eat a whole horse promotional. Customers who can eat an entire horse, excepting the bones and jigglies, will receive a free prize from or admission to the attraction in question. This would work great for Horse racing venues, glue factories, or French restaurants.
  • Colour Me Hungry!!! - The Crayola company could offer an "Eat a box of Crayons" contest. Visitors who manage to get through an entire box of Crayolas (the 64 size, to be sure) will get free admission to the plant tour. To heighten the sense of excitement, Crayola could festoon the entrance to the plant with the colourful smiles of previous contestants.
  • Eat Me!!! - No, not me Earl Fando, but whichever representative of a particular company might enjoy that sort of thing. Sado-Machocist resorts, etc. Now, of course I'm not actually suggesting real cannibalism. Rather, a mock up of the person in question would be suitable. As Hufu has turned out to be unreliable, I suggest something made of Spam, Treet, or an approximate substitute.
  • Supplemental Iron - Iron is supposed to be good for us, right? So why not reward a person who can knock back a few pounds of it. These iron men and women would stand out for their abilities, and that's just at a metal detector! ...Great fun for vitamin companies and Gold's Gym.
  • Fungus Among Us - but Which One? - Mushrooms aren't the only fungi there are out there. What brave soul though would chance random fungus??? This promotional idea would find out. "Was that oyster mushroom or smut fungus?" "Erm... I don't know. I just know I need to throw up."

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