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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Elvis and Me

I see Jorge has rejoined us from whatever correctional institution he spent the last year or so in for his repeated Danny DeVito stalking. I mean "stalking" in a positive sense, of course. Perhaps this means that things will get back to normal around here.

As for me, I missed the momentous occasion of the 30th anniversary of Elvis's passing* on August 16th, so I'd like to say/write a few words on it. Now, you can easily get the goods on Elvis at any Elvis Pressley fan site, along with some incredible memorabila, such as baseball caps with Elvis on them, Elvis refrigerator magnets, Elvis-themed rhinestone-studded undergarments (don't mistake the "Glen Campbell" line of these for the real thing), and velvet paintings of Elvis playing poker with dogs.

Rather, I was stunned to realise that on the 30th anniversary of Elvis's death** I, Earl Fando, am 42 years old. For those of you who don't know, Elvis was 42 years old when he died. Chilling, isn't it. The late Douglas Adams, in his fab Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, identified "42" as the number that was the answer to "the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything." Unfortunately, being a humourist, he didn't know the question. Anyway, it's a sign there is something troubling about the connections with Elvis and yours truly.

Furthermore, Albert Einstein, with whom I share a birthday, was 56 at the time Elvis was born, and Elvis was 20 at the time Einstein died. Just 22 years later, Elvis died. You see it don't you? 20 plus 22 equals 42! Incredible, or as the French say, "Incredible'!" (You have to supply the accent yourself.)

There's more. Einstein was 56 when Elvis was born. Subtract 42 from 56 and you are left with 14. Einstein's and my birthdays are on March... you guessed it, 14!

Furthermore, Einstein died on an April 18th. Elvis died on an August 16th. They both begin with the letter "A" people!

Finally, and for me this is the clincher, Elvis, Einstein, and Earl all begin with the letter "E!"

Really, that's all anyone need know. However, the letter "A" is the 1st letter of the alphabet, and the letter "E" is the 5th letter of the alphabet. Add them up and you have "6," the exact sum of the numbers "4" and "2!" Multiply the digits in 16 (as in the 16th of August) and you get the same. Finally, multiply the digits in 42 and the digits in 18 (the date of Einstein's death) and you get the exact same number: "8!" What's 8 times 6? 42???? Well, no... it's 48, but that is only 6 digits from 42!

What does this all mean? Not a bloody thing, as far as I can tell. However, it is interesting, and troubling, and confusing, and troubling ...don't forget troubling.***

Perhaps this explains why Priscilla Presley keeps ringing the house.

*No, that's not a joke on the way Elvis passed itself. Whilst checking out on the toilet is certainly not the classiest way to go, I can think of worse. On fire, underneath the hooves of stampeding horses, whilst impaled on the hood ornament of a 1933 Cadillac Series 355-C, for instance ...or like a Spinal Tap drummer.

** If indeed Elvis is dead. I actually spoke to him a year ago.

*** No, I'm off the Vicodin. Why do you ask?

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