It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The Worst of the Christmas (Special) Season

It's that time of year, the time when both children and adults are filled with joy and cheer, the time when people look back to a little town called Bethlehem and the miraculous gift given over 2000 years ago.

Unless you're a network executive. Then it's the ho-hum, jingle-jangly sound of advertising cash as Frosty dances about, Santa gets his name from the pendant his parents abandoned him with, and the only mention of stars are the type at the top of the Rockefeller Centre Christmas Tree (TM) and the overexposed (in more ways than one) celebrities appearing at the lighting special.

Still, better than some of the "holiday" specials television has and will offer up. The worst of the lot are below. I shudder at the thought.

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The Worst Television Christmas Specials of All Time

  • An Oliver Stone Christmas
  • Santa Got Run Over by a Reindeer
  • Rudolph the Red-Nosed Lush
  • An Evening at an Empty Canterbury Cathedral (BBC Exclusive)
  • A Very Beyonce X-mas
  • Frosty, The Dysfunctional Spouse
  • Richard Nixon's Christmas Luau
  • A Crack House Christmas
  • Christmas at Woodstock
  • Crazy Ole' Kris Kringle (An ABC Afterschool Special)
  • 50 Ways to Prepare Reindeer
  • An Al Queda Christmas (An Al-Jazeera Exclusive)

And for our friends celebrating other holidays this season, here are the very worst of those specials:

  • Richard Nixon's Hanukkah BBQ
  • A Festival of Lights, with Yasser Arafat
  • Dynamite Menorah
  • A Very Farrakhan Hanukkah
  • The Killer Maccabees
  • The Pat Boone Family Kwanzaa Festival
  • Richard Nixon's Kwanzaa Lutefisk Bake-Off
  • Kwanzaapolooza

Kinda makes Frosty the Snowman tolerable by comparison, don't you think?

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