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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Blue to Scissors OR Who Cut the Cheese?

Britain sent the world a message last night with its version of the Grammys, creatively entitled "The Brits". The message: "Disco is alive and well in Britain." No reports on whether "Blue" were offended by the shutout they were handed at Britian's music awards (well, pop music at least).

The big winners were a group called the Scissors Sisters, which appeared to be mostly, if not entirely, comprised of men. They did not win the "Most Ineptly Named Group" award however as that honor went to the 4 Scots who form the bloke Franz Ferdinand. Instead they pulled down the awards for Best International Group (apparently the voters were stoned off their beans and forgot about U2) and Best International Album among others.

What's interesting about Scissors is not that they were "dismissed by many in the music industry as a gay novelty act", which never stopped Frankie Goes to Hollywood, but the multiple descriptors used to, well...describe them. The Yahoo article on the event described them as a "radical US dance act " and "disco rockers", which to me is the same as saying "disco-country and western" or "disco-polka". I mean, no-one's a band anymore. Even some of the groups that call themselves bands aren't. Remember 98 Degrees? They were described as a "boy band". What instruments did they play...boys? The whole thing makes your head spin like a washing machine driven breakneck through a traffic circle.

A disco-rocker-gay-novelty-radical US dance act wins a "music performance" award? Even Natalie Imbruglia appeared confused.

I'm also growing more and more depressed at some of the names performers are going by these days. I know "Earl Fando" is no great shakes, never mind my colleague Zimpter Fiforg, but I'm in the humor game (even if barely). Making you laugh is the idea, even if it has to start with my ruddy name. I'm not sure that the following performers listed in the Yahoo! article had that intention (time for another list Stew!):

  • Dizzee Rascal
  • Ana Matronic (Lead singer of the Scissor Sisters)
  • Mike Skinner, also known as "The Streets"
  • McFly (Could that be Marty McFly?)
  • Eminem (I'm sorry but I will never take seriously someone whose name sounds exactly like a candy that "melts in your mouth, not in your hands")
  • Bob Geldof

So the world of pop music continues its downward spiral towards some sort of lowest common denominator hell that will allow both humans and protozoa to dance to a common, oh-so-funky beat. For those of us who thought Milli Vanilli was the nadir of pop music this is extraordinarily depressing. For those of us in the comedy blog business though, it's a veritable gold mine.

I say, strike while the iron is hot. Bring on the disco-country-polka-ska-thrash dance acts now.

(PS - Just how does Franz Ferdinand do it? Do they all hop into little vehicles and join together into one mighty Franz like the Power Rangers, or do they take turns being Franz, and the others just hang around playing entourage?)


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