It's Oscars time. Somebody wake the Grouch.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

The week to come

As Stew will be out of pocket for a week, he left me with a set of predictions for posts this weekend that I could put up. Quite frankly, they seem a little farfetched to me.

  • Saturday - The Kentucky Derby will be won by a horse named Flying Sphincter. Flatulence jokes should abound. Also, congratulate Captain Beany on the surprise victory of the New Millenium Bean Party in the British Elections and his new job as Prime Minister, so as to continue the flatulence theme.
  • Sunday - Pope Benedict XVI will declare that all papal robes can be replaced with leather jackets. This will cause him to be known as the "cool" pope and also "Pope Fonzie I." The Popemobile will be replaced by a gigantic Harley.
  • Monday - The President, during his visit to Europe, will point out that Vladmir Putin's name is quite comical when you think about it. " Poot-in" Flatulence jokes should abound. (Stew really did write this one...seriously.)
  • Tuesday - Take a break - I am after all on vacation. If you must write something about how I tackled Mickey Mouse and dumped him into the pond at Splash Mountain. Make it dramatic. He is, after all, a giant mouse.
  • Wednesday - Global Warming declared gigantic fraud by scientific community. Icee stocks drop by 50%.
  • Thursday - The LA Lakers are declared the winners of the NBA Championship, despite the fact that they are not even in the playoffs. The whole thing later turns out to be a practical joke by David Stern. Shaquille O'Neal is not amused.
  • Friday - Madonna declares she is going to become a Catholic nun. The Catholic Church politely turns her down, saying, "My child, we believe in miracles in the Church, but not absurdities." Follow this up with various Madonna nun outfit gags ("Hey, who's the nun with the pointy habit?") and references to Pope Benedict XVI - "He's the cool pope, but he's not crazy." or "He's cool but he's no fool."

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