EXTRA!! EXTRA!!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled monotony to bring you this newsflash. The unveiling of the long awaited 25 ft. tall, 17 ton frozen Snapple popsicle in Union Square is about to take place. We now take you to DOUI Radio’s man in the street, Will Ubeequiet, for the happy ceremony.

“Will, tell us what is going on down there.”

“Well Stew, it’s just an amazing sight down here in Union Square, people are in a festival mood of course awaiting the big unveiling of this frozen behemoth. The crane is holding up the treat as we speak with chains and ropes. There are a number of men holding the ropes of the shroud, for want of a better word, and they seem to be close to exposing it, again for want of a better word. The sun is shining brightly today and it is a beautiful day to enjoy viewing a 17 ton frozen novelty bar.

It’s melting! It’s melting and it’s coming down! It’s melting horrible! Oh my! Get out of the way, please! The juice is coming down and it’s washing through the Square now! This is the worst catastrophe we’ve seen since Ishtar! There’s a bum trying to drink some of the juice and he’s being washed away, it’s terrible. There’s a sickly sweet smell and the juice is ruining people’s footwear now… Oh, the humanity, and all the people are running and screaming and they have to be put off of fruit bars now. I, I can’t go on."

Horrible indeed, horrible indeed. (With apologies to any Hindenburg disaster victims and Les Nessman’s flying turkeys)