More Spicey Suggestions

Since Stew has requested some more Spice suggestions (he is really ready for that Spice Girls reunion) and since Juan Carlos and Zimpter are about as readily found these days as Amelia Earhart, I have decided to assist the Miller man. Below are some more suggestions for how to resolve Live 8's Spice dilemma.

• Sweet and Sour Spice - Actually this would be Lindsey Lohan again. When she's good, she's very good, but when she's bad, well loose garments and dating second-tier Fox sitcom stars says it all.
• All Spice - All the other musical participants at Live 8 take Scary's place, making for some really chaotic dance numbers.
• 5 Spice - The Jackson 5 reunite to cover for Mel B., except for Michael, who is ensconsed in the bowels of Neverland, celebrating his innocent verdict with the bones of John Merrick and a chimpanzee named Wee Wee.
• Hot Spice - The Spice Girls add a fifth purely based on looks and sexiness, instead of singing talent. Oh, wait...that's how they got the other four, isn't it?
• Spunky Spice - 1984 Olympic Gold Medalist Mary Lou Retton tumbles her way into the music business, gray hairs and all.
• Spice Islands - Can the Spice Girls handle controversial Indonesian sensation Inul without breaking a hip trying to keep up with her?
• Funky Spice - Visualise this with me: The 4 remaining Spice Girls backing up James Brown.

Zimpter? Juan Carlos? (not the Spanish King, who is secretly known as "Royal Spice")