"I'm ready for my closeup Mr. Colmes!"

Press Release - Rainbow Coalition/PUSH - Jesse Jackson's official response to Pat Robertson's "Apology"

August 24, 2005 - 9:35 a.m. (Rev. Jackson can be booked for television appearances through the William Morris Agency, Beverly Hills, CA - Signed head shots available - $25 apiece)

I have heard Pat Robertson's meager apology, and I consider it a major television travesty.
We cannot be blithely recommending assassination, if we are supposed to be a fair and democratic nation.
We have already invaded Iraq to make a political point, does W. really want to shake up El Presidente's joint?
Sure, Hugo Chavez is a cranky despot with delusions of grandeur. He rules with an iron fist and very little candor.
Yes, he is friends with Castro, that murdering, baseball-loving bastard, the guy who tried to get nukes stashed away in America's backyard.
Still, we must avoid this talk of violence and dog excrement. Such talk is counter-productive and even, in some circles, prurient.
We must embrace Chavez the way Sonny once embraced Cher, sang "I Got You Babe" and combed her long black hair.
We must show Chavez the right way is not total political power, but traveling the TV circuit to get paid thousands by the hour.
We must choose peaceful means to implement a diplomatic coup, We cannot speak of killing, kidnapping, or giving him the croup.
Pat Robertson should be ashamed to plan to circumvent, Hugo Chavez's internationally legal, if suspect government.
How can this TV minister expatiate such wanton death? Has this old cracker gone senile, or is he inhaling meth?
I will travel to Venezuela to examine that society, talk to El Presidente (and pocket some real oil money.)
I will do my best to speak diplomatically, not erratically, to not behave too peripatetically, nor semi-aquatically.
I will not "inmmanetize the eschaton", or "denigrate egalitarianism", nor will I practice antidisestablishmentarianism.
So be sure to send a camera crew or three, for soon this amazing story will be me.

(Co-Written by Theodore Giesel, deceased)

Watch for Reverend Jackson on CSI: Miami, this fall