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Sunday, October 22, 2006

"Adopt?!?" I thought you said "borrow!!"

Ah yes, more celebrity news on DOUI (what, would you rather I continually complain about the dearth of posts from my co-contributors, the lazy, baseball-watching bastards)!

Madonna and her filmmaker husband Guy Ritchie (no relation to Lionel) have adopted a child...well, we think they've adopted a child. The father of the child they adopted said so, but then he said he didn't realize what "adopt" meant and thought that the child was just going to live with Madonna for awhile.

In fact, from what I can tell, the story goes like this. Madonna hears that children in Malawi are orphans, so she decides to adopt one from an orphanage in Malawi. The orphan she chose however was not an actual orphan but had a living father, who just happened to have put the child into the orphanage after the death of the child's mother, because he couldn't take care of it himself. After finding out Madonna was taking custody of his son, he agreed, but only because he thought the arrangement was temporary, and who wouldn't want their child in the care of the Kabbalah-practising, multi-millionaire, highly photographed (and from all angles, mind you) hedonistic pop star? Plus, there was the added attraction that his son would learn a craft: Either singing, directing, self-publicizing, or male freestyle dancing.

Whilst I'm certain Madonna's intentions were good, it might have been slightly wiser to adopt say ...a child with no living relatives. Now, this little bloke's dad is confused, having to stare down Madonna's expensive Malawian lawyers (F. Alan Chinula), and doesn't even have the promise of a regular place in the singer's palacial guest house, or a job in the road crew for her next concert. You'd think she'd at least promise him a ticket or two.

It's almost tragic this confusion, but I'm sure Guy will make the best of it, and he's probably writing the screenplay right now. Madonna will star, with Denzel Washington as the father of the baby, and Gary Coleman as the confused, foul-mouthed "orphan."

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