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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Vote Early, Vote Often, Vote Pontiff!

I saw Stew's post and even though I'm a non-Catholic Christian, I was compelled, emotionally-moved even, to cast a vote for the supreme religious leader of my Roman-Catholic brethren. My vote? Jon Cryer!

Stew has unintentionally unbalanced the voting by placing Cryer's dynamic photo at the top of the post. Admittedly at first I thought Jon was actually running for Pope himself, which was a surprise to me as I had previously thought that the Cardinals decided who gets the office via an extended game of "rockus, paperi, et scissorsum."

After reading the post and thinking more deeply about it though, I reckoned that here is a man who looks like a pope. Yes, Jon Cryer is popey-looking! (but this is a good thing.) Just look at the soulful, pious eyes, gazing forward beatifically. The solemn, lean-yet-powerful posture (I'm really hoping this isn't starting to sound too gay, not only because I am in fact straight and happily married, but because after all this is the Pope we're talking about.) Just look at the steady, serious half-smile, that says, "I'm a really nice guy, I've put Stripperella behind me, and I'm ready to be your Pope." Even the choice of shirts, old-school plaid but not button-down-collared, says, "To heck with those well-meaning lads from 'Queer Eye...' I'm down-to-earth and comfortable with myself and my look. Yet I'm also steady and ready to do some papal heavy lifting.

Also, he has a very pontifical name: Jon. I realize the spelling is different from the traditional nom-de-pope, that being "John" instead of "Jon". So would he be Pope Jon I or Pope Jon (John) XXIV?

On a related note, I'm quite surprised that Guido Sarducci isn't doing better in the election. He was a real up-and-comer in the priestly ranks, but maybe the move away from Italian pontiffs has hurt him...that and the fact that he smokes like a chimney.


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