Latest Oscar Buzz!

• The Academy couldn't get Tom Cruise to present this year because they refused to wheel a couch out for him.
• Jon Stewart is so eager to get started, he'll be making Brokeback Mountain jokes on the red carpet
• Beyonce is not slated to do any musical numbers this year but she will stand obsequiously in the background during every award presentation.
• Finally, the awards presentations in the audience went so well last year, that they'll be presenting awards in the alley besides the Chinese Theatre this year. Best Documentary and Documentary short will be there. Award organizers stated that they only had enough room because Michael Moore wasn't nominated this year, and that was just referring to his enormously swollen skull.