The Epic Life of a Glorious Madman

Yes, that is the title of my current novel, a mammoth biography coming soon to an internet book wholesaler near you. The Epic Life of a Glorious Madman. It is a book that will pierce the flesh between your eyes with every single paragraph. Finely crafted sentences give way to chapters like rough cut diamonds clawed out of the diatomaceous earth. 1,207 pages of single spaced, 10-point Arial font (with the occasional use of Jokerman font for effect).

Who is the glorious madman that has earned these 520,000 words of gorgeous prose? I think you know. A giant among actors, a king among men, a shining jewel among the cubic zirconia. A Tiffany Vase among the Indonesia-imported Hobby Lobby tureens. A veritable Disneyland among the county fairs. Are you following my metaphors?

Yes, I am talking about none other than Mark Northover, He Who Shall Never Be Forgotten. On the off chance that you never watch movies, never turn on the television and have never heard of a single actor in the entire history of the motion picture industry, let me give you a quick overview of the career highlights of Sir Mark Northover: 1988 - Willow (yes, the epic fantasy masterpiece by George Lucas, Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese), 1990 - Mack the Knife (a revisionist neo-noir thriller that won multiple awards, directed by the fabulous Menahem Golan), 1991 - The Doors (masterpiece, award winning, box office smash, history in the making, a film about Jim Morrison and his many odors). Need I go on?

You can understand why Mark Northover deserves the epic treatment of my doorstop-heavy biography. I mean, just look at the man. His very demeanor exudes legend.



So, to tantalize you with bite sized morsels, here are some of the sordid details that I cover in the course of my Longer-Than-A-Stephen-King-Novel novel:

1) Mark Northover's six month stint in Chino for knifing the corrupt son of a Los Angeles selectman during an attempted arson attack on a furniture factory. The conviction was later overturned when a jury realized that Mark Northover was saving the lives of fifty orphans who were trapped in the break room of the factory.

2) Mark Northover's legendary appearance at Carnegie Hall in 1977. Includes all the gory details about Bob Hope's rampage in the dressing room with a bottle of Boone's Farm wine, a young Tom Selleck rushing the stage to kiss Mark's face during the intermission, and the performing mule that broke loose of its chain and tried to trample the backup dancers.

3) 1991, the year Mark Northover hosted the Villie's (East Village's version of the Oscars). His touching monologue on the subject of diarrheabedis, and all those celebrities lost to this tragic disease, brought the usually reserved Danny Devito to tears.

Now, if those tasty bits are not enough to get you to buy the book, then let me add one further enticement. This book will be personally endorsed by Billy Barty. At least, I hope it will be. I am attempting to locate him as we speak. I am fairly certain he will endorse it. In fact, I have it from a reliable source that if I can locate him and make my pitch, he will be 100% percent behind it.

I hope you wait with baited breath. I know I do.

As Always,

Nuffy Noe

Please Remember Mark!

I cannot believe my ear wax coated ear canals. They had another one of those touching montages about all the people in Hollywood who have died, and not one mention of Mark Northover. The Hollywood Elite continue to pretend like the guy never existed. Disgusting and sad. You would think that George Lucas would petition somebody to make it happen. After all, Mark Northover played Burglekutt in Lucas's magnum opus "Willow." Well, I'm not gonna forget him. HOLLYWEIRD, you can't make me forget Mark Northover!

http://www.eluk.co.uk/mn/index.html

Oh well. Time for dance numbers. Lane "The Vein" Hardwick is beat-boxing under his breath at the interpretive Up dance with that robot guy. Jack Nicholson is cursing at Ally Sheedy again. He does not like Ally Sheedy for some reason.

Sorry for all the name dropping. I can't help it. I am here, people, "in the midst" as they say, and it is Five Times Better than watching it on a flat screen in grandpa's den.

Mourning

Mock me if you must, but i have been in the how you say mourning period now for many a month and year. I am doing the how you going to say much crying and sad sob sorrows with the wipe of the cheeks and the mucus drip out from the nostrils of the nose. I will ever forever and more miss my dearest favorite person in all the world, Mr. Mark Northover. I will never recover, get over it, or be happy again. I must only cry forever. Yes. Remember him. Earl Fando, you have done a tragic little amount of mourning over this person! For many months now, you post the sarcasm and Paris Hilton joke, but you do not do the crying of water from the eyes of you as you remember our superstar of stage, screen, novel and hallway. I put this graphics on the blog to remind you forever. You must not forget him! If anyone forget him, I will put the sharp stick in the tail pipe of the person who did not remember him. I am saddest of all Jorge Carlito Viejos. Nothing can comfort me now, least of all a sandwich full of lard, butter, frijoles and carne de mono, which is usually my favorite sandwich.